Gary wasn’t like all the other gnomes in Gnomelandia. Things just didn’t go easy because or
gnomish like they seemed to go for all of his family and friends. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy,
he just felt a little out of step is all. For starters, his name was hard for everyone to get used to.
Maybe his elder-father, who named him, thought it would be funny to mess with everyone. No
one had every pronounced a leading hard “G” in any name in their lives, so everyone called him
‘ary or something that sound like Harry or just “hey you” so they didn’t have to deal with the
puzzle of it. Gary didn’t care, per se, it just contributed to his overall feeling of being out of step
with everyone else.
On top of his name, Gary was noticeably taller than most other gnomes. In most species
height is an advantage, but it messes with the entirety of gnome culture. Gnomes thrive on
uniformity and anonymity. Same hat. Same trousers. Same beard. Oh, and there was that; Gary
was straight-up beardless. Usually young gnomes had their beards grow in within the first
hundred years, but Gary was 148 and not a whisker on his chin could be found. Gary was just
weird and he knew it.
For all of his feelings of uniqueness, Gary wasn’t all that unhappy. He spent a lot of time with
his kooky elder-father, Winky, who always had some fun project or adventure going on, and he
always invited Gary along. Sometimes they would go gather wild giggleberries from the banks of
the Farting Creek, an excursion that was never not funny. Or maybe they‘d go and bother the
semi-mayor, Winky’s five-thirds cousin on his uncle’s aunt’s side, by sneaking jars of rotten
warble bird eggs into the back of his filing cabinet drawers. Gary and Winky would them come
back the next morning to the cafe across from the mayoral cave complex and watch until the
entire cave evacuated in a fog of green and purple stink-fog. It really made the mushroom and
giggleberry scones taste at least ten times better.
Many days with Winky were less eventful, but no less enjoyable. Often they would just make their way to the quiet pond in the middle of Winky's farm and slip into their ultra-hammocks and spend the bulk of the day staring at the clouds and letting the breeze gently caress them as they meandered in and out of sleep and conversations. These days may have been some of Gary's favorite days, even if they weren't tormenting stuck up government officials and eating delicious hot scones. Life could have gone on this way forever if not for one fateful day. Luckily it was only one day, and it ended up pretty decent in the end, but still, it was a pretty rough day and Gary emerged alive but not without injuries.
The Fateful Day
It was another weekend day and Gary was headed over to Winky's farm. During the rest of the week Gary had a fine time with the kids his age at school and in the neighborhood. But none of them really understood him quite like Winky did. Gary always noticed he was just a little more relaxed and carefree and a little more happy whenever he was around Winky. He liked playing all the normal games with his friends, and he never felt unhappy, but it was just better at the farm. As Gary rounded the corner this morning the sun was bright, but not too hot and the gentle breeze smelled of blooming dipsy flowers and ripening giggleberries. Gary couldn't have hoped for better conditions. However, as he gradually stopped being distracted by the beautiful weather conditions and started looking around the familiar lane that lead to Winky's farm, he could see something wasn't quite right. As he realized what he was looking at, Gary understood that the entire center of Winkys house looked like it had been removed in one gigantic bite. Basically a large void now existed where once stood the beloved residence, and Gary was overcome by the scene for many moments.
Soon Gary gathered himself together and began running closer to the house to see if there was anything he could figure out about the gaping hole in front of him. As he got closer it didn't take long before he knew the answer: worms! The entire area of destruction had the unmistakable slimy green residue indicative of the scourge of all Gnomedom; the dorkworms. The relentless nuisance that was the dorkworms had long plagued gnomes, but through many battles and much vigilance, the attacks had dwindled and finally stopped, and all of Gnomelandia had been in a state of blissful peace for many years. Maybe it was this sense of peace and security that had lead to an attack. Maybe these kind of things just happened no matter how attentive you are. Maybe it was something more nefarious, but regardless of the reason Gary knew he had to do something. Winky was missing and there was no way Gary was going to let him stay that way.
Within minutes Gary was back in town explaining what had happened. Even the semi-mayor, who always suspected it was Winky that sabotaged the council caves, wasted no time in responding to the alarm. For all of his foibles, Winky was well loved, and the worms were, without exception, hated by all gnomes. Even the most sympathetic and compassionate gnomes spared none of these feelings for the dorkworms. The dorkworms were a destructive and uncontrollable destructive force that deserved as much sympathy as a tornado or and earthquake. Or so all the gnomes thought.
Gary then headed on to home and told his parents the terrible news. He also told them he needed to do something about it. Gary's father, who was normally a cautious man, agreed and wasted no time outfitting Gary with armor and a sword. This may seem a strange response, but every school child in Gnomelandia was a skilled swordsman. All were well trained and ready for battle at any moment. The dorkworms had been a burden on the gnomes for far too long and they had spent the peaceful years in pursuit of combat training. As soon as Gary suited up he kissed his mother on the cheek and shook his father's hand resolutely before making a dead march back to Winky's farm.
It wasn't long before Gary was hot on the trail of the worms. It was easy to follow the pools of gelatinous green slime they left behind. Even where they had not dripped so much, there was still enough that Gary could follow easily for many miles. Soon enough his pursuit lead him to a green slime rimmed hole that was far closer than he thought possible. The dorkworms had been busy in the quiet of the past few years. No Gary felt he knew why it had been so quiet. It wasn't that the dorkworms were defeated. They had just decided to take a different approach. A sneaky and subterranean approach. While Gary was concerned about just how far they had gotten in this scheme, he couldn't help to but be a little impressed as well. The dorkworms weren't known to be possessed of the ability to plan and build. Maybe the gnomes had been wrong about them. That din't mean Gary wasn't prepared to vivisect every last work to get Winky back, but it did make him start to think a little more about exactly who the dorkworms were.
For many more minutes Gary followed the freshest of slime trails deeper into the growing network of caves. Still he saw no worms or any sign of Winky, but he continued on as quickly and quietly as he could. It was not much longer before Gary's perseverance paid off. A few more twist and turns and slime covered tunnels and the distinct sound of voices began to reach Gary's ears. The tunnels had been mostly dark, but gnomes see well in the dark, and worm slime glows slightly, so it had not been an issue, but around another corner the light became much brighter as the tunnel widened into what appeared to be a much larger opening. As Gary got closer he could confirm it was a much, much larger opening and that luck was with him in his adventure, because the particular spot he had found was high on the wall of the opening, so that Gary was not walking into the middle of a dorkworm gathering, but instead was looking down onto a group of meandering dorkworms that took no notice of Gary. As Gary took in the room he felt overjoyed to be able to make out the figure of Winky in the midst of all the terrible dorkworms. He seemed alive but his head was hanging down, and he looked like he had been in a struggle. Gary was sure the dorkworms had tortured poor Winky, and the longer he looked, the more his pulsing purple blood seemed to boil in his veins, coursing and careening from his three beating hearts. It was then he knew he must fight his way through these beasts and reach Winky and free him from their torments. Gary silently drew his blade and with it raised high above his head he pounced towards the first dorkworm he could see with rage and malice informing every action. He had caught the dorkworm completely unawares and would have surely bifurcated the slithering enemy if not for a familiar voice calling out to him in mid air.
"Gary! Don't hurt them! Gary! I'm OK! Don't hurt them!!!"
The voice which was instantly familiar as Winky's, stunned the malice right out of Gary and at nearly the last second Gary tossed aside his blade and just missed flattening the now stunned and gurgling dorkworm. It took Gary a minute to get up off the floor, dust himself off, and gather his wits about him. Once he did, he was surprised to see Winky's smiling face and bright eyes staring into his own. Winky embraced Gary and held both his shoulders for a moment before turning to face the crowd of dorkworms with one arm over Gary's shoulder in a firm embrace. It seemed that Winky was both glad to see Gary, but was also maybe controlling the situation a little. Maybe to calm Gary down. Maybe to show the dorkworms he would keep Gary from harming them. Whatever it was, it seemed to relieve the tensions that had started to mount in the large cavernous space they were currently standing in.
What happened next was somehow even more shocking than anything that had happened so far. Winky turned to face the dorkworms and started making very odd guttural, slurppy, slimy sounds that to Gary, without him knowing why he should think so, sounded like they must be some kind of language. The noises seemed orderly and intentional, and the dorkworms seemed attentive and responsive. Then the dorkworms started making similar sounds back. This continued for a while until Winky again turned to Gary and smiled.
"As you can probably tell, my boy, I speak dorkworm!"
"But how? Why? I don't understand . . . "
"Learned it when I was kid running around in the forest. Back then we all got along. My own elder-father taught me some. My dorkworm friends taught me other parts. He used to trade with the dorkworms back then, and I'd play around in the tunnels and help him make deliveries to gnome and dorkworm alike. That crazy war years later was all a big misunderstanding, and most of it never happened. Both sides had more hurt feelings then any physical injuries, but in the years since, a lot of stories were made up to make it seem like something more."
"Then why the big production and wrecking your house and looking like they kidnapped you?"
"Well my boy, they ain't called dorkworms for nothing. As good a hearts as they may have, they are a clumsy and simple bunch. If not for the king, they would probably spend all day just running their heads into walls and be happy doing it."
"What'cha mean, Winky?"
"Well, see, this slime stuff is what keeps them all connected. It oozes over everything. The king is connected to it, and he helps direct the rest of the dorkworms on where to go and what to do. Luckily all of the kings and all of the worms are inherently kind and sort of simple. They just dig holes and make their food caves and tend to the young and tell stupid jokes most of the day. Some times I'm sorry I learned their language. Especially on weekends when they have a little free-time and a little too much giggleberry juice. The absolute dumbest jokes ever!"
"That's saying a lot coming from you," chimed in Gary, "but anyway . . . why are you here?"
"Well, the king needed to talk to me and he is pretty stationary because he has to direct everything, so he sent a group of these guys to get me. Yes, they destroyed a bunch of stuff, but that's their way. They go through stuff. Anyway, the king said he'd fix it. But that's not the point. The point is, they need water. Ever since the war, the gnomes have been building dams here and there, and the last one they just finished really hit hard. It was the main tributary to the caves and the land of the dorkworms. Without water they can't grow food. They aren't starving yet, but another few months and they'd be done for."
"That's terrible, I think. I'm still getting used to dorkworms being not-evil, i have to say. It's been so many years feeling otherwise, it is kind of difficult to change around my perspective. Sorry. Just weird is all."
"I am sure it is, but we have to try. I have to save my friends, and it would help the gnomes in the end as well. Just have to convince that idiot semi-mayor to not be an idiot. No small task!"
"Don't I know it!"
Winky and Gary spent the next several hours working out a plan to end the conflict and bad feelings for good. It wouldn't be easy, but in the end the idea seemed like it had a chance. Pretty soon all of the parts of the plan were in motion and Winky and Gary were back on their way to Gnomelandia. An interesting misconception the outside world has is that creatures like gnomes and fairies and such folk that are considered either magical or fanciful to some degree, are devoid of technology. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Gnomelandia had a robust hydroelectric power grid that powered all the modern conveniences, though in a much more environmentally friendly and renewable way than humans had figured out. It was the existence of this grid that became the focus of part one of the plan.
For part one, the worms were sent throughout the hydroelectric network of dams and given the task of disabling each of the turbines until all power was offline. An easy enough tasks, because as mentioned before, the gnomes had gotten casual in their guard of the empire and no one was really watching anything because it was nice out and who could be expected to really work on a day such as this. So the dorkworms made short work of the turbines. This wasn't noticed right away, but it would be soon enough.
While that was happening, another group was working to restore Winkys house and set up another phase of the plan. Also a quicker project than one would think and it wasn't long before Gary and Winky were kicking back on the front porch watching the lights of Gnomelandia slowly fade to dark. In contrast their own place was lit up extra bright as part of the plan. In fact, Winky's place was so bright that as the city slowly faded to blackout conditions, many folks were quick to notice the overpowering light coming from Winky's neck of the woods. Just as quickly many of those folks started heading in the direction of Winky's farm.
Soon enough there was an enormous crowd in Winky's front yard staring at the bright lights and the smiling faces of Gary and Winky. In the middle of them all was the semi-mayor looking equal parts confused and angry. In his hearts he was sure that this was another practical joke by Winky. He didn't know how, but he was sure that is just what this was.
"What is going on here?!?!" blustered the semi-mayor.
"Just relaxing on a beautiful night on my front porch", grinned Winky.
"Oh sure! Just sitting there completely innocent while the rest of the city collapses into chaos, and you act like you had nothing to do with it!"
"Oh, I never said that", Winky continued grinning, "I just said I was relaxing now and you must admit, it is a beautiful night."
"So this is your doing!"
"Sort of", said Winky lazily.
"Well then sort of fix it", shouted an increasingly angry semi-mayor.
"I will", said Winky with another grin, "but not the way you think. Let me introduce you to someone special first . . .", he continued on and then bowed with a great flourish.
As Winky bowed, a large slender figure moved from the shadows. No one had even seen the figure lurking off to the sides, but now no one could look away from the looming stranger standing next to Gary.
"May I introduce my old friend, the King of the dorkworms, Sal."
A great gasp arose from the crowd and the tension palpably thickened as Sal the King made his way towards the crowd slowly on his glistening slime slick. Sal looked at the group and cleared one 3 of his 12 throats and began to speak to the gnomes in their native tongue, which he had been practicing with Winky for nearly 30 years. The effect had the precise effect Winky had hoped for.
"My dear people, I am so pleased to be here is your presence. I know that for as long as most of us can remember, we have been at odds with one another. A situation that always saddened me. I hope today that I will be able to help fix some of what has gone on for far too long."
"He's speaking our language," blustered the semi-mayor, "that's impossible! Or, at least, I thought it was!"
"Not impossible, my dear man," commented Sal, "but very difficult. If not for my the help of my good friend Winky, none of this would have been possible."
"Winky! explain yourself!" demanded the semi-mayor.
"Sure thing my almost brother from several other mothers! I grew up with Sal. We've always been friends. The dorkworms have always visited my farm, and my family has always worked with the dorkworms in all of our endeavors, going back hundreds of years. That's why we have always had power, even when the grid collapses like it did tonight. Friendship is a powerful thing, but sometimes a jar of worm slime is maybe a little more powerful. Behold!" bellowed Winky as he flourished the cover off of a large crate he had been sitting on.
Inside the opening of the crate sat a gallon sized jar of the green slime that everyone there knew and that for many of them was the stuff of nightmares. For more years than they could count they had been taught to look for the warning signs of a dorkworm invasion, and this was the pinnacle sign: green slime. As the shock of a bottle of slime wore off, gnomes began to notice the wires running out of the jar and that the green glow of the slime seemed to softly pulsate as it sat there.
"Here it is! The source of all the power lighting up my entire farm.!" said Winky grandly.
"Yes. True." chimed in Sal, "We discovered long ago the secret of this power. A secret that proves dorkworms and gnomes should be working with each other, not against each other. Let me show you."
With that Gary push forward another jar of slime. He proceeded to produce some wires with various lights attached to them on one end. He placed the other end in the slime and the entire crowd watched as absolutely nothing happened. Then with a resounding, throat clearing roar, he produced and expectorated a juicy loogie that plopped into the slime with a satisfying thud. Then with the panache of a great chef, he began to stir the concoction. As the viscous byproducts began to mix, the lights attached to the wires began to glow brighter and brighter until they reached a blinding beacon and then randomly exploded one by one. It was a brilliant demonstration.
"You see?" said Winky, "Dorkworm slime and gnome spit mixed together is one of the greatest power sources ever discovered! Not only that, it lasts like you wouldn't believe. That bucket over there in the crate is enough to run my entire farm for at least a couple months, if not longer."
The gasps and amazement from the crowd were nearly endless. Their whole world was being turned upside down, and they were actually sort of happy about it. Winky and Sal and Gary shared a happy and relieved look. It had been a dangerous gamble, but it had paid off. Over the next few days all conversions were made and the entirety of Gnomlandia had converted to slime-spit power. The offending dam had been destroyed and the dorkworm kingdom had water again. The hydroelectric moguls who had started all the bad blood between the dorkworms and the gnomes were long gone and their descendants were actually sort of bothered by having to run stuff, were glad the slime-spit conversion pretty much eliminated having to fix turbines and run stuff. Everyone had their own power source pulsating at their own place and many new friendships had developed with the dorkworms. Not only that, dorkworm language classes became the latest fad, and everyone had a grand time learning it and especially learning all the terrible dorkworm jokes that annoyed Winky so much.
As for Gary and Sal and Winky, they got to enjoy hanging out on the farm, tormenting the semi-mayor with practical jokes, and eating far too many giggleberry scones in the process. All of them laughing together into the we hours of the night beneath the pulsing slime-spit glow of Gnomelandia.
gnomish like they seemed to go for all of his family and friends. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy,
he just felt a little out of step is all. For starters, his name was hard for everyone to get used to.
Maybe his elder-father, who named him, thought it would be funny to mess with everyone. No
one had every pronounced a leading hard “G” in any name in their lives, so everyone called him
‘ary or something that sound like Harry or just “hey you” so they didn’t have to deal with the
puzzle of it. Gary didn’t care, per se, it just contributed to his overall feeling of being out of step
with everyone else.
On top of his name, Gary was noticeably taller than most other gnomes. In most species
height is an advantage, but it messes with the entirety of gnome culture. Gnomes thrive on
uniformity and anonymity. Same hat. Same trousers. Same beard. Oh, and there was that; Gary
was straight-up beardless. Usually young gnomes had their beards grow in within the first
hundred years, but Gary was 148 and not a whisker on his chin could be found. Gary was just
weird and he knew it.
For all of his feelings of uniqueness, Gary wasn’t all that unhappy. He spent a lot of time with
his kooky elder-father, Winky, who always had some fun project or adventure going on, and he
always invited Gary along. Sometimes they would go gather wild giggleberries from the banks of
the Farting Creek, an excursion that was never not funny. Or maybe they‘d go and bother the
semi-mayor, Winky’s five-thirds cousin on his uncle’s aunt’s side, by sneaking jars of rotten
warble bird eggs into the back of his filing cabinet drawers. Gary and Winky would them come
back the next morning to the cafe across from the mayoral cave complex and watch until the
entire cave evacuated in a fog of green and purple stink-fog. It really made the mushroom and
giggleberry scones taste at least ten times better.
Many days with Winky were less eventful, but no less enjoyable. Often they would just make their way to the quiet pond in the middle of Winky's farm and slip into their ultra-hammocks and spend the bulk of the day staring at the clouds and letting the breeze gently caress them as they meandered in and out of sleep and conversations. These days may have been some of Gary's favorite days, even if they weren't tormenting stuck up government officials and eating delicious hot scones. Life could have gone on this way forever if not for one fateful day. Luckily it was only one day, and it ended up pretty decent in the end, but still, it was a pretty rough day and Gary emerged alive but not without injuries.
The Fateful Day
It was another weekend day and Gary was headed over to Winky's farm. During the rest of the week Gary had a fine time with the kids his age at school and in the neighborhood. But none of them really understood him quite like Winky did. Gary always noticed he was just a little more relaxed and carefree and a little more happy whenever he was around Winky. He liked playing all the normal games with his friends, and he never felt unhappy, but it was just better at the farm. As Gary rounded the corner this morning the sun was bright, but not too hot and the gentle breeze smelled of blooming dipsy flowers and ripening giggleberries. Gary couldn't have hoped for better conditions. However, as he gradually stopped being distracted by the beautiful weather conditions and started looking around the familiar lane that lead to Winky's farm, he could see something wasn't quite right. As he realized what he was looking at, Gary understood that the entire center of Winkys house looked like it had been removed in one gigantic bite. Basically a large void now existed where once stood the beloved residence, and Gary was overcome by the scene for many moments.
Soon Gary gathered himself together and began running closer to the house to see if there was anything he could figure out about the gaping hole in front of him. As he got closer it didn't take long before he knew the answer: worms! The entire area of destruction had the unmistakable slimy green residue indicative of the scourge of all Gnomedom; the dorkworms. The relentless nuisance that was the dorkworms had long plagued gnomes, but through many battles and much vigilance, the attacks had dwindled and finally stopped, and all of Gnomelandia had been in a state of blissful peace for many years. Maybe it was this sense of peace and security that had lead to an attack. Maybe these kind of things just happened no matter how attentive you are. Maybe it was something more nefarious, but regardless of the reason Gary knew he had to do something. Winky was missing and there was no way Gary was going to let him stay that way.
Within minutes Gary was back in town explaining what had happened. Even the semi-mayor, who always suspected it was Winky that sabotaged the council caves, wasted no time in responding to the alarm. For all of his foibles, Winky was well loved, and the worms were, without exception, hated by all gnomes. Even the most sympathetic and compassionate gnomes spared none of these feelings for the dorkworms. The dorkworms were a destructive and uncontrollable destructive force that deserved as much sympathy as a tornado or and earthquake. Or so all the gnomes thought.
Gary then headed on to home and told his parents the terrible news. He also told them he needed to do something about it. Gary's father, who was normally a cautious man, agreed and wasted no time outfitting Gary with armor and a sword. This may seem a strange response, but every school child in Gnomelandia was a skilled swordsman. All were well trained and ready for battle at any moment. The dorkworms had been a burden on the gnomes for far too long and they had spent the peaceful years in pursuit of combat training. As soon as Gary suited up he kissed his mother on the cheek and shook his father's hand resolutely before making a dead march back to Winky's farm.
It wasn't long before Gary was hot on the trail of the worms. It was easy to follow the pools of gelatinous green slime they left behind. Even where they had not dripped so much, there was still enough that Gary could follow easily for many miles. Soon enough his pursuit lead him to a green slime rimmed hole that was far closer than he thought possible. The dorkworms had been busy in the quiet of the past few years. No Gary felt he knew why it had been so quiet. It wasn't that the dorkworms were defeated. They had just decided to take a different approach. A sneaky and subterranean approach. While Gary was concerned about just how far they had gotten in this scheme, he couldn't help to but be a little impressed as well. The dorkworms weren't known to be possessed of the ability to plan and build. Maybe the gnomes had been wrong about them. That din't mean Gary wasn't prepared to vivisect every last work to get Winky back, but it did make him start to think a little more about exactly who the dorkworms were.
For many more minutes Gary followed the freshest of slime trails deeper into the growing network of caves. Still he saw no worms or any sign of Winky, but he continued on as quickly and quietly as he could. It was not much longer before Gary's perseverance paid off. A few more twist and turns and slime covered tunnels and the distinct sound of voices began to reach Gary's ears. The tunnels had been mostly dark, but gnomes see well in the dark, and worm slime glows slightly, so it had not been an issue, but around another corner the light became much brighter as the tunnel widened into what appeared to be a much larger opening. As Gary got closer he could confirm it was a much, much larger opening and that luck was with him in his adventure, because the particular spot he had found was high on the wall of the opening, so that Gary was not walking into the middle of a dorkworm gathering, but instead was looking down onto a group of meandering dorkworms that took no notice of Gary. As Gary took in the room he felt overjoyed to be able to make out the figure of Winky in the midst of all the terrible dorkworms. He seemed alive but his head was hanging down, and he looked like he had been in a struggle. Gary was sure the dorkworms had tortured poor Winky, and the longer he looked, the more his pulsing purple blood seemed to boil in his veins, coursing and careening from his three beating hearts. It was then he knew he must fight his way through these beasts and reach Winky and free him from their torments. Gary silently drew his blade and with it raised high above his head he pounced towards the first dorkworm he could see with rage and malice informing every action. He had caught the dorkworm completely unawares and would have surely bifurcated the slithering enemy if not for a familiar voice calling out to him in mid air.
"Gary! Don't hurt them! Gary! I'm OK! Don't hurt them!!!"
The voice which was instantly familiar as Winky's, stunned the malice right out of Gary and at nearly the last second Gary tossed aside his blade and just missed flattening the now stunned and gurgling dorkworm. It took Gary a minute to get up off the floor, dust himself off, and gather his wits about him. Once he did, he was surprised to see Winky's smiling face and bright eyes staring into his own. Winky embraced Gary and held both his shoulders for a moment before turning to face the crowd of dorkworms with one arm over Gary's shoulder in a firm embrace. It seemed that Winky was both glad to see Gary, but was also maybe controlling the situation a little. Maybe to calm Gary down. Maybe to show the dorkworms he would keep Gary from harming them. Whatever it was, it seemed to relieve the tensions that had started to mount in the large cavernous space they were currently standing in.
What happened next was somehow even more shocking than anything that had happened so far. Winky turned to face the dorkworms and started making very odd guttural, slurppy, slimy sounds that to Gary, without him knowing why he should think so, sounded like they must be some kind of language. The noises seemed orderly and intentional, and the dorkworms seemed attentive and responsive. Then the dorkworms started making similar sounds back. This continued for a while until Winky again turned to Gary and smiled.
"As you can probably tell, my boy, I speak dorkworm!"
"But how? Why? I don't understand . . . "
"Learned it when I was kid running around in the forest. Back then we all got along. My own elder-father taught me some. My dorkworm friends taught me other parts. He used to trade with the dorkworms back then, and I'd play around in the tunnels and help him make deliveries to gnome and dorkworm alike. That crazy war years later was all a big misunderstanding, and most of it never happened. Both sides had more hurt feelings then any physical injuries, but in the years since, a lot of stories were made up to make it seem like something more."
"Then why the big production and wrecking your house and looking like they kidnapped you?"
"Well my boy, they ain't called dorkworms for nothing. As good a hearts as they may have, they are a clumsy and simple bunch. If not for the king, they would probably spend all day just running their heads into walls and be happy doing it."
"What'cha mean, Winky?"
"Well, see, this slime stuff is what keeps them all connected. It oozes over everything. The king is connected to it, and he helps direct the rest of the dorkworms on where to go and what to do. Luckily all of the kings and all of the worms are inherently kind and sort of simple. They just dig holes and make their food caves and tend to the young and tell stupid jokes most of the day. Some times I'm sorry I learned their language. Especially on weekends when they have a little free-time and a little too much giggleberry juice. The absolute dumbest jokes ever!"
"That's saying a lot coming from you," chimed in Gary, "but anyway . . . why are you here?"
"Well, the king needed to talk to me and he is pretty stationary because he has to direct everything, so he sent a group of these guys to get me. Yes, they destroyed a bunch of stuff, but that's their way. They go through stuff. Anyway, the king said he'd fix it. But that's not the point. The point is, they need water. Ever since the war, the gnomes have been building dams here and there, and the last one they just finished really hit hard. It was the main tributary to the caves and the land of the dorkworms. Without water they can't grow food. They aren't starving yet, but another few months and they'd be done for."
"That's terrible, I think. I'm still getting used to dorkworms being not-evil, i have to say. It's been so many years feeling otherwise, it is kind of difficult to change around my perspective. Sorry. Just weird is all."
"I am sure it is, but we have to try. I have to save my friends, and it would help the gnomes in the end as well. Just have to convince that idiot semi-mayor to not be an idiot. No small task!"
"Don't I know it!"
Winky and Gary spent the next several hours working out a plan to end the conflict and bad feelings for good. It wouldn't be easy, but in the end the idea seemed like it had a chance. Pretty soon all of the parts of the plan were in motion and Winky and Gary were back on their way to Gnomelandia. An interesting misconception the outside world has is that creatures like gnomes and fairies and such folk that are considered either magical or fanciful to some degree, are devoid of technology. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Gnomelandia had a robust hydroelectric power grid that powered all the modern conveniences, though in a much more environmentally friendly and renewable way than humans had figured out. It was the existence of this grid that became the focus of part one of the plan.
For part one, the worms were sent throughout the hydroelectric network of dams and given the task of disabling each of the turbines until all power was offline. An easy enough tasks, because as mentioned before, the gnomes had gotten casual in their guard of the empire and no one was really watching anything because it was nice out and who could be expected to really work on a day such as this. So the dorkworms made short work of the turbines. This wasn't noticed right away, but it would be soon enough.
While that was happening, another group was working to restore Winkys house and set up another phase of the plan. Also a quicker project than one would think and it wasn't long before Gary and Winky were kicking back on the front porch watching the lights of Gnomelandia slowly fade to dark. In contrast their own place was lit up extra bright as part of the plan. In fact, Winky's place was so bright that as the city slowly faded to blackout conditions, many folks were quick to notice the overpowering light coming from Winky's neck of the woods. Just as quickly many of those folks started heading in the direction of Winky's farm.
Soon enough there was an enormous crowd in Winky's front yard staring at the bright lights and the smiling faces of Gary and Winky. In the middle of them all was the semi-mayor looking equal parts confused and angry. In his hearts he was sure that this was another practical joke by Winky. He didn't know how, but he was sure that is just what this was.
"What is going on here?!?!" blustered the semi-mayor.
"Just relaxing on a beautiful night on my front porch", grinned Winky.
"Oh sure! Just sitting there completely innocent while the rest of the city collapses into chaos, and you act like you had nothing to do with it!"
"Oh, I never said that", Winky continued grinning, "I just said I was relaxing now and you must admit, it is a beautiful night."
"So this is your doing!"
"Sort of", said Winky lazily.
"Well then sort of fix it", shouted an increasingly angry semi-mayor.
"I will", said Winky with another grin, "but not the way you think. Let me introduce you to someone special first . . .", he continued on and then bowed with a great flourish.
As Winky bowed, a large slender figure moved from the shadows. No one had even seen the figure lurking off to the sides, but now no one could look away from the looming stranger standing next to Gary.
"May I introduce my old friend, the King of the dorkworms, Sal."
A great gasp arose from the crowd and the tension palpably thickened as Sal the King made his way towards the crowd slowly on his glistening slime slick. Sal looked at the group and cleared one 3 of his 12 throats and began to speak to the gnomes in their native tongue, which he had been practicing with Winky for nearly 30 years. The effect had the precise effect Winky had hoped for.
"My dear people, I am so pleased to be here is your presence. I know that for as long as most of us can remember, we have been at odds with one another. A situation that always saddened me. I hope today that I will be able to help fix some of what has gone on for far too long."
"He's speaking our language," blustered the semi-mayor, "that's impossible! Or, at least, I thought it was!"
"Not impossible, my dear man," commented Sal, "but very difficult. If not for my the help of my good friend Winky, none of this would have been possible."
"Winky! explain yourself!" demanded the semi-mayor.
"Sure thing my almost brother from several other mothers! I grew up with Sal. We've always been friends. The dorkworms have always visited my farm, and my family has always worked with the dorkworms in all of our endeavors, going back hundreds of years. That's why we have always had power, even when the grid collapses like it did tonight. Friendship is a powerful thing, but sometimes a jar of worm slime is maybe a little more powerful. Behold!" bellowed Winky as he flourished the cover off of a large crate he had been sitting on.
Inside the opening of the crate sat a gallon sized jar of the green slime that everyone there knew and that for many of them was the stuff of nightmares. For more years than they could count they had been taught to look for the warning signs of a dorkworm invasion, and this was the pinnacle sign: green slime. As the shock of a bottle of slime wore off, gnomes began to notice the wires running out of the jar and that the green glow of the slime seemed to softly pulsate as it sat there.
"Here it is! The source of all the power lighting up my entire farm.!" said Winky grandly.
"Yes. True." chimed in Sal, "We discovered long ago the secret of this power. A secret that proves dorkworms and gnomes should be working with each other, not against each other. Let me show you."
With that Gary push forward another jar of slime. He proceeded to produce some wires with various lights attached to them on one end. He placed the other end in the slime and the entire crowd watched as absolutely nothing happened. Then with a resounding, throat clearing roar, he produced and expectorated a juicy loogie that plopped into the slime with a satisfying thud. Then with the panache of a great chef, he began to stir the concoction. As the viscous byproducts began to mix, the lights attached to the wires began to glow brighter and brighter until they reached a blinding beacon and then randomly exploded one by one. It was a brilliant demonstration.
"You see?" said Winky, "Dorkworm slime and gnome spit mixed together is one of the greatest power sources ever discovered! Not only that, it lasts like you wouldn't believe. That bucket over there in the crate is enough to run my entire farm for at least a couple months, if not longer."
The gasps and amazement from the crowd were nearly endless. Their whole world was being turned upside down, and they were actually sort of happy about it. Winky and Sal and Gary shared a happy and relieved look. It had been a dangerous gamble, but it had paid off. Over the next few days all conversions were made and the entirety of Gnomlandia had converted to slime-spit power. The offending dam had been destroyed and the dorkworm kingdom had water again. The hydroelectric moguls who had started all the bad blood between the dorkworms and the gnomes were long gone and their descendants were actually sort of bothered by having to run stuff, were glad the slime-spit conversion pretty much eliminated having to fix turbines and run stuff. Everyone had their own power source pulsating at their own place and many new friendships had developed with the dorkworms. Not only that, dorkworm language classes became the latest fad, and everyone had a grand time learning it and especially learning all the terrible dorkworm jokes that annoyed Winky so much.
As for Gary and Sal and Winky, they got to enjoy hanging out on the farm, tormenting the semi-mayor with practical jokes, and eating far too many giggleberry scones in the process. All of them laughing together into the we hours of the night beneath the pulsing slime-spit glow of Gnomelandia.
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